a Short Revelation by Raquel Swann

Do you have a best friend? Someone you can tell your most intimate secrets and not feel judged? There was a time when I thought I did. That was a long time ago. The truth is that some things are better left unsaid. Some closets should be closed, locked, and never opened. I have decided to write letters to those that have hurt me and maybe didn’t realize it. I will not use names and I feel this exercise can help me find closure and acceptance. I know now that the road I must travel will be alone. No one can be trusted with any more of my baggage.

Dear Friend,

You told me things that I shall never repeat to anyone. You never quite admitted that I was your best friend. You accepted from me all I could offer. Now, we have come to the crossroads.  When you were lonely, I tried to be there – to be your friend. Others have taken advantage of you, others have used you for your skills. I never asked for anything but your friendship. It is obvious that things will never be the same. Perhaps it is best if you live the rest of your days hiding in the shadows. Away from the light, away from a family that you’ll never meet. When the person that claims to love you is ashamed of you – that is something that cannot be healed. Time will not fix that problem. I absolve you from any obligation you may or may not feel to contact me and pretend. Hopefully, one day you can write me a letter so I can understand your thought process. But you don’t do that. It is easy for you to forget – move on – get over it. A survival skill you learned from a very young age.

Dear Friend,

You asked me some curious questions brought to you by someone who doesn’t have an inkling of who I am. You were worried that my feelings were wrapped around a giant price tag in some kind of exploitation scandal. Don’t you worry about me, I will figure this out without help. The truth is that anyone that would fake the heartache that I feel is a despicable person. If you feel that I fit that description then we never really were friends to begin with. I don’t trust people with the same degree that I trusted you. It seems now that being around me is a chore – perhaps I shall keep my distance for a while.

Dear Friend,

My love for you was pure and unwavering. I never had any ill intentions or reasons to make you feel uncomfortable. I can only say that you should be able to see that I have changed around you. I feel like my every move has been analyzed and labeled. You are picking up terrible vibes that just aren’t there. Perhaps it was that faithful phone call that changed everything. A peculiar night that I shall never forget. The night I found out what you really thought about me.

Dear Friend,

You talk and talk and talk. Always finding a way to say the wrong things. You give me more anxiety than anyone in the world. Perhaps it is you on a high horse, looking down upon what you will never understand judging others. In the words or the book you seem to covet the most, “Only God may judge you,” which I am paraphrasing – nonetheless, you are not him. Live your life and stop worrying about others. You have some of your own sins to confess, I’m sure. Don’t worry about mine.

Dear Friend,

You were a stranger I met online- you treated me kindly and had no reason to believe a word I said to you. You’ve never met me in real life, yet you have given me wonderful advice and encouragement. It is nice to know that there are people like you in the world. I shall never forget how you revealed to me people should be treated. Perhaps I can aspire to be like you one day. According to the people who know me, I have a lot of work to do. Someday, someone like me will need help and I swear to God – I shall do my best to help them out.

Dear Friend,

I’ve known you for a little while. You are the only one who will read this and you know who you are. I wanted to thank you for just listening to me, without passing judgement. It’s nice to know that there is someone out there who believes in me and loves my writing, truly. You take the time to critique my work and give me advice. Who had a major part in helping me get to where I am, professionally. Thank you so much.

 

I feel better and would like to make sure that anyone reading this not look too much into anything. I have cleansed my soul and feel much better. No need for apologies or texts or worries. I remain in solitude working these problems out for myself. After all, I hold the key to my own future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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